Removing the shell
Those of you who haven’t been runners all your life will know what I’m about to write about … it’s really tough to put yourself out there. It’s tough to set goals and make or beat them when you know other people are watching. Ever since I started writing about my running a few years ago, I have struggled a lot with being completely honest. I’ve shied away from setting goals or making them public with fear of letting myself down, and maybe letting others down.
But I’ve realized something this winter — my shell is coming off. I’m being as honest as I can with myself and have slowly let things out in my writing that I probably wouldn’t have before. I’ve been fully open about running changing me in the first third of 2010, but I often struggle with the right words — this post is part of that.
I’ve also realized this year that if I make my goals public, I will do them. And if I express any doubt in myself, I have a virtual support group out there that will pick me up. Last week I would not have made it to 100 miles in April if not for comments on this site and over on Daily Mile. Little comments of “you can do it” go a long way now. Three years ago I would have blown comments like that off, but hitting some of the lowest of lows in the past two years have taught me not to take things like that for granted.
So this all brings me to May. At the beginning of each new month I am finding myself wanting to set more and more realistic goals, which will all lead to a great year. While my running will continue to take center stage, I have to get my weight closer to where I want it to for this summer. So May is my reset button with nutrition and getting some more pounds off. I started the year at 197.2 — my highest in about four years and probably my highest since first losing weight in 2004 (highest was 220; I got down to 180). I’ve managed to get 8 pounds off so far, but that’s where it stops — 189.2 is a number that just keeps popping up on the scale.
The good news, I guess, is that I’ve maintained my weight. The bad news is that I ran a lot more in April and ate a lot of things that I shouldn’t have resulting in the “no change.” I got to where I wanted to be for Shamrock and I fortunately didn’t turn around and gain a few pounds back like usual, so that is a great thing. But for May, I have to refocus. If I can run every day in the month of April and hit 100-plus miles in a non-training month, then I can certainly lose 5 pounds this month. I won’t give this a cheesy name for the fifth month of the year, because that will set me up for failure. (See 31 in 31 for cheesy names and my failure to kick off the year.)
Simply put, I want to be under 185 by the time June gets here. I’ll worry about a number after that once I get there. If I can do this, marathon training is going to be fantastic this summer.
While I’m putting all this out there, I have once again started the 100 push-ups challenge. I was rolling along with this until I banged up my elbow in January, and I honestly had to separate myself from it for a while. I had to get over the disappointment again before re-starting. More on that later, but my initial test and day one went pretty well.
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I think making goals public does add an accountability factor. "People" are watching so the goal better be met or else… At least that is the way it is often looked at. I think the public goal also helps soften the perfectionist in us. At least it has for me.
In the two years since I've been running, I've learned to accept that doing my best is all that anyone (including me) should ask of me. With a public goal, I have to also admit publicly admit that I didn't make it. The upside is that instead of beating myself up about missing it, I look to find the reasons why. Sometimes the reasons are really excuses and I have to admit that too.
Instead of wasting time beating myself I'm quicker onto the fix. I've also learned to accept accomplishments as a result of my hard work not accidents.
In my 4 years of running. I Run a race, post a goal, get support from my fellow club mates and Fail or exceed my goal today it was a fail by .30 tomorrow it or the next it will be success and the bar will move lower. Putting the goal out in public is a double edged sword. Great when you meet it bad when you don't. Often I have pulled it togther late in a race and digged deep in order no not post the word fail in a google message board. I do not know what each race day holds they all hold Failure and sucess and the uncerty of which one is going to happen. Failing is trying. Without trying we never have a shot at succeeding. The biggest hurdle that keeps people from succeeding is the fear of failure. It causes a sudden halt in progress, and no movement means no potential for success. Don’t be such a person. Don’t be afraid of failing, welcome it. Be ready for it. But expect to succeed, because in the end, you will. Your success is directly proportional to the number of times you fail, which is directly proportional to the number of times you try. You can’t have one without the other. Be at peace with it, rise up, and give it your all. That is the only way to truly experience life at its fullest.
It's really cool to see your open up more, and to want to push yourself more and more. Since you've gone and put your weight goal out there, I'm sure you'll have no issue with it.
May is going to be sort of a "reset" month for me too, which I'll get into more later.
@Paula and @Doug - Good words to help sum up what I'm trying to say here. Keep 'em coming. @Steve - I've posted about my weight before, but I just haven't followed up on it. Now I just need to post more. No exposed pictures for me though.
You have put that goal out there for all of us to see and to follow your progress. We will help with any extra push you need. Maybe this will help me with the extra lbs. I need to get rid of.
It is funny, I totally get what you mean - until recently, even if I had a specific goal I would tell everyone, "I am just out to have fun" and in my head I am thinking, "I want to beat my old time." What is great about the blog world is that you end up with folks supporting you and encouraging you along the way - PR or no PR.